Refreshing

My friend Laura reference this blog on facebook today:http://www.livingdevotionally.com/2011/11/my-struggle-with-being-a-stay-at-home-mom/ and I have to say it's one of the most refreshing posts I've read in a while.

I spent a lot of time in the word this weekend, thinking and praying about the path my life is on. There are so many things that came to mind and I thought I would share a few with you:

1. Friendships: I find myself looking at the people I surround myself with and trying to figure out what God commands of us in these relationships. I want to be surrounded by people who are real and have the same values as me. I find that even though I don't mind confrontation, many times I am a total pushover and maybe don't speak my mind when I disagree with something simply because I don't have the energy to confront. I really want to get back to the basics of finding true, God centered relationships. The Lord has put many people in my path that are just that for me, but many times I think I get watered down on surface friends which in turn makes me slack on those true friendships. It's something I'm committed to working on.

2. My marriage: Jonathan is such a wonderful man, but I know I have seriously taken him for granted the last few years. With all the changes of selling the consignment sale, starting a new business, dealing with some emotional issues, etc. he has constantly been right there holding my hand and yet I have totally taken it for granted. Like the blog post above, I find that many times, I am so exhausted by life that at the end of the day, he is the one in the kitchen cooking dinner just so I can have some peace and quiet and not hear "mommy!" for 30 minutes. As I look around, I realize that this is so rare and I need to appreciate it more.

3. My children: I find that sometimes I spend more time being frustrated with them that I rob them of joy in the little things. I want to be more committed to getting down in the floor and playing with them, turning off the tv, and teaching them. No, I have no interest in home schooling, but I can still teach them by reading to them more, singing, and doing some fun worksheets and working on art. It's not that I totally neglect it, but I do certainly look forward to mother's day out and naptime more than I probably should.

4. My family: Again, this is an area that I struggle with in time management. I was thinking the other day about how little I've seen my sweet nephew, Baden. He's already 6 months old and I feel like I have missed so much. I need to make more time to just sit down with them.

5. Giving: Although we tithe like clockwork, sponsor a ton of kids internationally, etc., I think some of this has just become "habit". I want to make an effort to do something out of the box if for no other reason to teach our children. It's time to stop filling our house with stuff and getting back to the basics. We are doing some serious fall cleaning and I hope to literally be able to show the kids how giving stuff away truly impacts others.

So that's where I am right now...I know I will continue to struggle but it helps to have some accountability partners to remind me when I am slipping backwards instead of stepping forward.

What are YOU doing this weekend?

I think most of you know that I constantly have my hands in about 3 million different projects. I can't stand to sit still and I love a good challenge. That's why Candy and I started buying out children's boutiques a few years ago. At first, we were just buying out overstock from local children's boutiques and then word of mouth spread and suddenly, we were picking up overstock from boutiques all over the U.S. Then the economy went into the crapper and lots of our favorite stores closed their doors because suddenly high end children's clothing was not at the top of anyone's list of priorities. It forced Candy and I to reevaluate if we would continue buying and if so, at what price. At that point, we started buying Gymboree and people at the sales really seemed to love that. A few weeks ago, a great opportunity fell into our lap and we couldn't resist. $97,000 of high end boutique children's clothing. We were pumped until it arrived 7 days after we planned meaning we didn't have time to get it tagged for Encores North. So, here we sit with 2 huge pallets of children's clothing that we don't want to sit on. We tossed around a few ideas and decided that ultimately we wanted to give our friends the first opportunity to shop it. Candy works full time and I have the crew so we couldn't figure out the best way to do this and that's when we decided to do another yard sale. You see, three years ago when we were in the process of adopting our fifth child, we had this amazing yard sale where we sold all this new with tag boutique clothing for one set price. It went amazingly well! So, we are doing it again. This Saturday, October 29th from 7am-2pm we are having a MASSIVE yard sale. We will have random crap like any yard sale, but we will also have over 1000 pieces of new with tags children's boutique clothing. The best part? It's all $5 per piece. Yep, $5. Dress? $5. Pants? $5. 3 Piece Set? $15. There are some amazing deals here. Boys and girls, mainly sizes 2T-girls 16 and boys 20. Brands like ELand, Trish Scully, Baby Lulu, SPUDZ, Le Top, etc. etc. It is a mix of all seasons, but definitely heavier on Spring/Summer. Want to be the first to shop? We need LOTS of help this week. We are trying to get everything on hangers, organized, and ready to sell. Our goal is to have everything organized by sex and size on racks so it will be easy to shop. It will be held in my driveway and garage and although it will be cold, it will be worth it, I promise. I'll be updating this throughout the week with pics, so definitely check and TELL YOUR FRIENDS! We want this stuff GONE so our men will not be mad that our garages are FULL! More details to come, but get ready to get your shop on :)

No Promises...

I've been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching the last few weeks. A lot has changed for me in the last year and many events forced me to put a lot of things on the back burner, but recently, I've been trying to gain some perspective and putting the truly important stuff first. The stuff that brings me joy.

When I used to blog a lot, it was mainly about adoption which is something I am still very passionate about, but I sort of relate it to this: when the twins were born, I found a ton of support through the multiples club as no one else truly got it like other moms of multiples. Then, one day you realize that clubs like that aren't really necessary anymore because they stop being "twins" so much and become two individual people who have their own voices and can decide what they want to wear. The friendships I made around the twins have continued to this day, but my need for a social outlet only for other twin/triplet moms definitely left as they got older. The same with adoption. The friendships I have made while going through the process two times are lifelong friendships, many of which, I can't imagine not having in my life, but I cherish those relationships now because they are amazing women and we have adoption in common, not that we sit around and only talk adoption.

So, that brings me back to my blog. I think for some time I didn't want to blog anymore because I didn't have something earth shattering to say about adoption, but as I have really focused more on what's important, I think it might be time to step back in this arena and talk about my life in general. I have a lot of stories, laughs, pics, etc. to share and I'm just making sure that by saying I am going to start blogging again, it's not something on my ever growing list that I don't follow through on.

What have I been doing the last year? Well, raising kids. Anna turned 13 in September which officially means we both want to kill each other pretty much non-stop. I am very thankful that she truly is a good girl with great values and an awesome relationship with the Lord, but every time I see her roll her eyes at me when I tell her to do something, I'm reminded that it's totally payback from how I treated my mom (who also probably wanted to kill me). Isaac and Luke are getting ready to be 10. Watching the 10 year anniversary of 9/11 brought back so many memories of me being on bed rest and watching in horror what was going on in the world around us. Both boys play basketball and love art and wear a size 7 men's shoe. Yep, they are going to be giants!

Mary Elizabeth turned 4 in August. She has enough personality to fill a gym and J and I always laugh how "everybody knows Mary" She makes anyone smile with her toothy grin, pink glasses and sassy outfits. She loves playing pretend with anyone who pays her attention. Just last week, Joshua had her on a pretend leash telling her to lap up her water from a water bowl (actually a tupperware container he had somehow gotten out of the cabinets that are child locked). She loves going to mothers day out 2 days a week. Joshua turned 2 in May. I'm not sure there are adequate words to describe him except to say the boy has my heart and although he makes me want to scream every day, one look with those beautiful eyes or him simply saying "love u mommy" makes me melt. Hands down, he is the wildest of the bunch and can make anyone laugh.

J and I celebrated 14 years of marriage in June. FOURTEEN. Sometimes I don't feel like I am 14, much less that I've been married that long. We joke with people and tell them "can you believe it, we actually STILL like each other" The best part? It's true. We have so much fun together and it's nice to go to bed next to your soul mate and best friend each night.

As for me, well, lots has changed for me. I sold my business, contemplated going back to college (still thinking on that one) and started a new business. I am now working for an amazing company called Matilda Jane Clothing. I had been buying their clothing for Anna and Mary Elizabeth for years and when my amazing boss asked if I might be interested in working for them, I prayed about it for a few days, God gave me an amazing sign, and I signed on the dotted line. I can't say enough great things about the company. Now, don't get me wrong, I love the product otherwise I wouldn't be selling it, but the people that make up Matilda Jane is what makes me truly passionate about my new job. The owners are awesome and very hands on with us. They truly want us to be successful and yet want to keep it an intimate, hands on type of an event for the customer. They don't want Matilda Jane to be a household name which I love. It's a very unpredictable company, but as consistent as they come and everyone working there has had my best interests at heart. I've already made some great friendships with my fellow trunk keepers and I intend to do this as long as the Lord will allow me to.

I guess that gets you up to speed on our life. We still don't have a dog (and momma doesn't want one), we still fall into bed each night dead dog tired and we still anticipate what's next for our crew, but we know who's in control and that's all that matters.

I hope to keep this going, but no promises...

School Days

I've recently been thinking about going back to college to complete my degree. The thought of being the adult in the classroom actually makes me a little sick, simply because I remember how mean the "young adults" were to them.

When I graduated from high school, I had one thing on my mind: volleyball. I played in high school and LOVED it. When I got offered scholarships for academics AND volleyball, it was a no brainer. I was going 2 1/2 hours away from home to continue playing the sport I loved.

I was a little, shall we say, sheltered growing up. Being away from home offered me all the freedom I thought I wanted, but it also offered all the opportunities to try all the things I had never really done: drinking, going out, etc. I played my heart out when it came to volleyball, but I also drank myself to death and got involved in a relationship that was not the smartest decision. By the end of freshman year, I had lost my academic scholarship, was heartbroken, and felt like I didn't know who I was.

I spent the next two years college hopping. I went to Western KY and then came back home after I got married to J and went to Vol State. My grades drastically improved, but when I found out I was pregnant with Anna, school became the last thing I was worried about and I quit after my junior year.

Now, knowing that in 5 short years, Anna will be heading off to college, I worry that she might try to use me as an excuse to not go. I can literally hear her now saying, "that's so not far, mom didn't finish college and she turned out fine." I also worry that it could end up costing us a small fortune for me to finish and ultimately, I'm not even sure what I'll do with a degree. Secretly, I've been thinking for years about going back to school to become a nurse, but I know that's a HUGE undertaking and with having small kids at home, I'm not sure our family is ready for that.

So, that's where I am right now in regards to school. I'm just going to continue praying about where God wants me and hope that some doors or answers reveal themselves pretty soon.

Tomorrow's Another Day

I could start off by telling you all the reasons I haven't blogged in a while, but I figure rather than boring you with all that stuff, I'm just going to start fresh.

Today, I woke up and felt refreshed. renewed. energized. excited. You see, there are big changes coming for our family in my area of work and although some aspects of it do make me sad, this is definitely a positive change for our family. It's a decision we've been praying over for years and finally felt the time was right about 6 months ago to make a change. We took a leap of faith knowing that many wouldn't understand and the big news will be revealed by the end of next week.

I'm a little nervous about everyone's response and I'm praying that rather to jumping to conclusions, people will feel comfortable enough to come to me and talk about the changes versus starting rumors and stirring the pot. I'm praying that others will be able to see what a positive thing this is for our family. I'm praying that people will see that it was time to focus on our family more so than everyone else.

That's really a tough one for me, as I typically put myself dead last. I'm definitely a giver and would prefer someone else's happiness over my own. That's what I struggle with the most...that this decision will seem selfish and yet I realize that it was time to put myself and our family first.

All that to say, I'm not sure what tomorrow is going to bring career wise. I know that today I enjoyed just hanging with my kiddos. We went to lunch with daddy and went to Best Buy to buy a new vacuum. We played with sticks in the front yard and ate messy snacks. I didn't answer the phone one time today if it had anything to do with business. And it was good.

Tomorrow's another day, and I'm thirty anyway, so bring on the rain. Trust me, I'm ready.

Adoption: The Child's Story

I was recently talking with a fellow adoptive mom (who just also happens to be a great friend) and the topic of sharing your adopted child's story with others came up. I guess because we are friends, we know the story behind our children's adoptions. You know, the things like where they were born, the reason their birthparents decided to form an adoption plan, etc. She asked me if I shared this with everyone or just with family and close personal friends? It prompted me to write this post.

I feel like my children's story is just that: it's THEIR story. It's really no ones business and if I choose to share it with family and very close friends, I feel like that is ok...but a random stranger I meet in a grocery store? Absolutely not. And let's not kid ourselves...I've been asked by complete strangers. Now I know you are probably reading this thinking, "no way", but yes, I've been asked things like "was she a crack baby?" or "why didn't his mom want him?" by complete strangers.

So, I'll start there.

If you learn nothing more from this blog, PLEASE don't ask someone you don't know that well the story behind their child's adoption and PLEASE don't be so idiotic to make statements like "why didn't his mom want him?" Questions like that personally make me want to vomit, and they make my blood pressure go to stroke level when some silly question is asked in front of my older kids because even though the babies may not understand you, my 11 year old and 8 year olds do. And guess what? When we get in the car, the first thing they are going to ask me is why my son's mom (who they know) didn't want him. Or what a crack baby is.

If you happen to be an adoptive parent reading this, I strongly encourage you to really think about what you are sharing with anyone and everyone about your child's story. Although I believe most people probably mean well, you have to think about what will happen down the road when someone could possibly say to your child, "you are so lucky your mom and dad saved you from a life of XYZ."

Yes, it's each of our decision to share what we want to, but for us, there are some things that are better to be shared only with the child. If my adopted children want to share their story one day when they are old enough to fully comprehend, that will be their choice, but until then...it's their story.

Adoption: Meant to Be?

I recently stumbled on a blog post where the author was talking about adoption and how it was meant to be that her children came to her through adoption. I'm actually a little mad at myself because I have no clue how I found this post, and honestly as I read it, it didn't really stir up a lot of emotion in me at the time. Then, I dreamed about it that night and I have spent the last week waking up at different intervals during the night (because of my abdominal pain) and that blog post (or at least the ideas behind it) have been one of the first thoughts to pop in my mind.

Were our adoptions meant to be?

I'm not sure how I can honestly answer that question and get all the things I WANT to say into a coherent post, but this is the analogy that comes to mind.

A person is in kidney failure. They are going to die if they don't get a kidney. They desperately want a kidney, might even be a little angry with God that the body that he created for them doesn't work properly and secretly wish that someone else would give them a kidney. One day, they get a surprise phone call....a woman was killed in a car wreck, but was an organ donor and her kidney is a match. Was that meant to be? Was it meant to be that she had to die to save your life?

In my mind, it's sort of the same way with adoption. Some couples just can't have babies. Some women can't find the right man but desperately want children. Some people (like us) have just always talked about adoption and it just seemed like the next logical stop to pursue after years of planning and prayer. But does that mean that it was "meant to be" when we do adopt that child.

Are our adopted children the loves of our life? Are we completely joyous that they are now our children? YES!

I think God intended for all children to be with their parents. It's unnatural to take a child away from his mother. And yet, in reality, it happens. Parents can't take care of their child because of financial, emotional, and a whole other hosts of reasons. Heck, some parents just don't want to do it. This leads to many things, one of which being the option of adoption.

I guess my feeling is that it was meant to be that we weren't supposed to sin from the beginning, but eating that fruit from the tree landed us here at the crossroads of so many people in the adoption triad arguing about issues like this. Who's right? Who's wrong? Is it all so black and white?

Here's what I know: I don't personally buy into the whole "they are better off" when a child is adopted, because let's face it...they aren't. They would be better off to be parented by the natural parents in the country they are born in. They would be better off if things like drugs didn't interfere with their parents raising them or health crisis like AIDS didn't kill their father. They would be better off if they had three warm meals a day. They would better off to live with their natural family who loved them than to ever have to deal with the unnatural loss they will eventually feel. And yes, all adoptees will deal with loss at some point, because they have lost a relationship with parents that God intended to occur.

So, meant to be...yeah, I don't buy it. Am I incredibly blessed to have two amazing children that I didn't give birth to? YES! But in a perfect world, the loss that occurs with adoption wouldn't exist. There wouldn't be children in orphanages waiting for their families, there wouldn't be a black mother in OH not having enough choices of adoptive families for her child, and there certainly wouldn't be all the older "unadoptable" children praying someone will find value in them sitting in foster homes.

I just don't want either of my children's firstmoms to ever think that the sole reason they carried their child was for me. It just seems so selfish on my part. Am I thankful they choose us? Yes! But for my children's sake, I wish both of their mother's situation was different so that they didn't have to make the difficult decision that they did.