Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Adoption Disruption

It's all around me and it hurts my heart.

What is it? disrupting an adoption. This basically means you bring home a child/children and parent those said children for any amount of time before you realize that this might not be a good fit. The child may have some serious health issues you weren't made aware of. The child my have a difficult time attaching to you, the new adoptive family. The child may want to physically harm you or their other siblings (whether biological or adopted).

I write this to shed some light on it. We have many friends in my different walks of life right now that are unfortunately learning the meaning of that ugly word "disruption." I'm sure it feels no different than having a huge FAILURE stamped on your forehead and yet, until you've walked in their shoes, it's easy to say YOU could deal with the issues they are facing.

What if you found out your newly adopted child was sexually assualting another child? What if you found out your newly adopted child was full of rage, wanted no part of this life and threatened suicide constantly?

I feel that God put me in this part of my life to be a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. I don't understand what disrupting an adoption entails, but I do know that as an adoptive family, you have so many eyes watching you all the time and this must be 10 times worse.

Adoption is not always sunshine and most certainly can be, but in the pit of it you find a lot of pain. Pain from a mom who couldn't parent her child and chose a family for him to go live with. Pain as she wonders how her child is doing 6 months from now. Pain in your heart when your adopted child asks you questions you can't answer because the birthmom wanted the adoption closed. Pain when your child begins the search for his birthparents not even knowing if they will even want to meet him. Pain from a child leaving behind his people, his land, his friends to come to the U.S., the land of promise when all he wants is his old home back.

It's all around me and it hurts my hurt.


Beth S. said...

Thank you Brea. Thank you. Thank you for posting this. Thank you for sharing your heart. Thank you for bringing light a difficult truth in the world of adoption. Thank you for allowing God to use you in a precious way.

Kimberly said...

How very timely that you should mention this. We just submitted our home study for a little girl in FL who just went through an adoption disruption.

dgsandbjsmom said...

I have read the story about the girl you are talking about. We are all praying that the money will be found and that the ranch will help this child.

Brea said...

We actually "know" three different families facing disruption of an adoption right now. Please join me in praying for all of these families!

dgsandbjsmom said...

I find it strange that people will choose who they want to adopt and whether it is a good fit but when you have a baby by birth you are stuck with what you get and you have no options of disrupting it and getting a new one.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting this! You are such an amazing and supportive person!

If anyone takes anything from your message, I hope they take the part about "until you've walked in their shoes, it's easy to say YOU could deal with the issues they are facing."

(Just to address a comment already posted) Disruption is not about giving the baby back for a new one. Disruption is heartwrenching and the most horrific thing ever! People see it as giving up and they dont understand that you really want whats best for the child. I think it would be more selfish to leave that child in a family where they didn't fit and cause more pain and suffering on the childs part.

Disruption is something that haunts you everyday. It's not a choice to take lightly and it is not something a normal human being will ever be able to get over. It is a loss, a huge loss! Along with the people that judge you for your decision and make you feel bad, you have your own self that you have to look at in the mirror everyday and ask "did I make the right decision?"

No one will ever understand until they have been there themselves.

Again, thank you for posting this and keep on spreading your most useful knowledge and life experiences!


Salanimi said...

This was a very touching post and it helped me to open my mind to things that may cause adoptive parents to have to make some seriously difficult decisions. As an adoptive mom of three I still find it difficult to undestand, how bad situations can get, but you've helped me learn a bit. I will say a prayer for the families, that are in these difficult situations.