Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Waiting in adoption

This week I have already been reminded of what waiting looks like in adoption. I have two different friends being shown for the same situation and I find myself not knowing what to pray for. One of them could potentially be a mommy again very soon and one of them (perhaps both) will not be chosen very soon. I have just been praying for peace for both of them, but it reminded me of my emotions of waiting the first time for Mary Elizabeth and I thought I would put some of that out there for others to see a glimpse of what it is like when you are waiting in domestic infant adoption.

I have birthed three beautiful children, but honestly the emotions that came along with waiting, being shown to birth parents, the not knowing for days and days...this was all something that was very new to me. And all along when you try to talk about it, you are constantly being told that God is in control, Don't worry!, "it will all work out!" Well, yes, I know these things too, but I needed someone to say waiting sucks!!

When we were called and told we were being shown, you almost can't help but feel that time suddenly slows WAY down and every time the phone rings, you're just sure that it's THE CALL. You wonder if you are bugging the social worker if you call, KNOW you are driving everyone else crazy if you don't. You pray for the birthfamily...wondering what they are looking for in an adoptive family. Wondering if they have had enough counseling, wondering if they have really been given options to parent. Sometimes you aren't told the sex of the baby, so you wonder about that.

Then, when we weren't picked the first few times, you begin to wonder why they didn't pick you. Was my profile horrible? Did I say something stupid in there that I should take out?

Or, let's say you go a while without being shown, you begin to question your caseworker, your agency, the planets, whatever. Why aren't they doing their job fast enough? Surely there are babies out there that are considered difficult to place and we are open to that, so why aren't they finding these babies!

Let's just say the emotions can seriously eat you alive. And then you hit your wall, hit your knees and tell God I just can't do this anymore. It's too hard. I know you told me to do this, but I give up. I've tried everything and nothing is working. And that day we were told about Mary Elizabeth. And two days later, I held my new daughter for the first time and I forgot what hell we had been through the prior 2 1/2 months.

I forgot so much that we are willing to do it again.

8 comments:

kbell said...

Yep, Yep, & Yep!

hollyrenee said...

Hey Brea...I emailed you a few months ago about adoption...my mom works with your husband. Anyway...it is very timely that I read this today. We were "rejected" for the first time today. It stinks. Everything you said fits me to a T. I know it wasn't "our baby", but you can't help but involve your emotions in the whole process anyway. But it was encouraging to know that I will forget it all when our baby DOES come:)

Alison said...

Brea,

I really feel like that was God typing tonight and not just Brea. Very Super Duper Awesome Post...

I love you,

alison

Our Adoption Journey said...

Brea, I cant tell you how much you have helped me, not in the ways you probably think, but just in the fact that you have responded to me, probably as soon as you have heard from me. You have told me it sucks and it really does help to actually hear someone else say it. I have as you say never experienced feelings and emotions I have felt this past week, I have always been a very strong person, but this has truly revealed to me how vunrable I really am. Thank You so much for being there for me. I truly do look forward to meeting you eventually.
Your Friend...
Nick

Becca said...

Way to say it Brea! Few people in your life truly understand the rollercoaster of emotions that go with adoption from start to finish. Praying for you guys as you begin the rollercoaster again!

Rach said...

Time stands still when you wait. So true. The possibilities are just as hard as the rejections.

Adoption is so hard, yet so beautiful.

Maris Bush said...

Brea thanks for posting this :) Adoption is so hard. I think the waiting part is so much like the labor part of delivery. It hurts and its hard and nobody seems to understand at that moment. We waited a relatively short time for August and still I thought I was going to go crazy during that time. It is so much of God's hand through it and the journey that he has you on. Its so good for people to see that its a journey before they walk into it. There are more aspects involved than just "I want a baby." There are opportunities to pray, minister and love on the mom who is making this hard decision and want the best for her- not you. I just learned that it was not about me. Thanks for sharing this! Sometimes God leads us into hard things but in the end they are so worth it. Sorry I think I just got on my soapbox! :)

Jason, Betsy, Jackson said...

I found your blog through Alison B.'s. My husband and I adopted our son about 17 months ago due to not being able to have children. Your posts are so true - I loved what you said the other night about if people had to go through 1/2 what we did to have bio children the world would be different. I wish you and your friends the best of luck. My husband and I haven't decided if we will do it again or not!