Monday, February 23, 2009

The Ugly Side of Adoption

This post has been heavy on my heart since Wednesday. I'm not sure that it will truly convey all that is stirring in my heart, but I pray that those reading it will be able to discern what I am trying to spell out in this blog post.

Last Wednesday afternoon, we found out about a little boy that needed a home. For the sake of this little guy's situation, that's all I'm going to say because I need to give away some personal info in this situation so that the readers of this blog will understand what I am trying to say. We will call him Sam. Sam has lived his entire life with his mother and older sibling. Up until Saturday, he had no idea his world was about to be turned upside down. He had no idea that his mother was about to give him to another family because she felt like he was coming between she and her new husband. Sam is not old enough to understand his mother's situation (THANK GOD!) but is old enough to remember his mommy. As I type this, Sam is with his new family trying to figure out why in the world he can't just go home.

Yes, there is an ugly side to adoption.

When Jonathan and I first started this journey into the adoption world in April of 2007, we didn't realize that some babies are just left at hospitals, that mommies really do walk away from their kids, that sometimes daddys just don't want their kids anymore. AND YES, this doesn't happen very often, but it does HAPPEN.

And my heart is so heavy for these children. The ones that no one wants. Yes, they technically have parents, but honestly I think God sees them as orphans.

Since our journey began, I have met the most amazing birthmothers. Moms who just couldn't parent for one reason or another. These are not the moms I speak of in this post. My heart is heavier for the moms that walk away, not realizing that at some point, that hole will be there. They will have to face the reality of what they have done. They will have to face the selfishness that led them to just no longer care.

I have to believe that God has put this on my heart because he wants me to realize that I MUST love them just as much as I love everyone else. Didn't he command that? Love one another as I have loved you. AND YET, I am struggling with this. I am struggling with ANGER towards M.E's birthmom. I am struggling with ANGER towards this woman who just gave her young son away yesterday. And not just anger from me, I am angry for these children. How will this little boy's new mom one day explain to him that his mommy loved her new husband more than she loved him. How will she do that?

So that's where I am....I am in the ugliness of adoption. I think part of me wishes I never had to see this, but I KNOW that God put this in our path for a reason. There is a need for counseling for these moms that is not only ethical, but also scriptural. I don't know where to start, but I am praying that God will lead me through this and show me his desire for me to do what I can do to minister to these birthfamilies.

I know it's a deep post, but it's where I am right now.


Anonymous said...

that is deep, but Brea, you are such a woman after God's on heart, and your doing so much for these children who were never given a voice! I'm so proud of you, I'm so proud that you are the type of woman that tells it like it is, and not afraid to express your thoughts of what God is doing in your life. I told Johnathan the other day, "I don't know how you do it, but you are your wife inspire me."
I'm proud of you. I'm saying a prayer for strength and wisdom as you are going through this process of adoption!

Erin Morgan said...

Brea - I agree with Maggie. You and Jonathan have grabbed hold of this concept of love and are working it out every day as you love M.E. as your own, and as you prepare to love this next child. You are hearing the voice of Jesus and loving these children (and being the voice of others) that most of us take for granted and don't take the time to hear. You are very special people and God will walk through these emotions with you and help you make sense of them. Bless you both!!

Linda said...

May "Sam" learn and embrace Jeremiah 29:11...

Your anger is a correct response, Brea.

Thank you for helping me know what to write in MY blog tonight (will publish tomorrow morning), and helping me learn the importance of "one little letter".

Prayers for you, and "Sam", and both of his families...


amberlee said...

Hey- I'm just now reading this, strangely enough- just as I was just about to write an update letter to the twins' (married) birthparents. I wrestle with these feelings every time I get ready to write to them to tell them how their 7th and 8th children are doing. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this struggle.

Anonymous said...

They call it a "disruption". A family disrupted. Interrupted. Changed forever. I didn't realize until recently that you can turn your children "in" either. Give up. Walk away. Say it's in their best interest. The counselors who work with these families are strong and courageous. But I often fear, the work is too late. Too late to change the life of that child. That mother. What do you do, once you give up?'s all we have. It's all they have. God will NEVER leave us nor forsake us! He cannot be separated from us. Oh, doesn't this make the election of adoption into the body of Christ much more evident!! Our adoption as sons and daughters CANNOT be undone! I will GO. Here am I. Send me.