Then &Again

Today, I had a really good day. It could have been really bad but I discovered something today that I really think I am going to love.

My friend Natalie recently starting working at a cool store in Hendersonville called Then & Again. She actually went in to check it out and ended up getting a job all in the same day. She immediately called to tell me how cool the store was. I decided that on her first day I was going to stop by and wish her well and check it out, so I did. I FELL IN LOVE. They sell this amazing paint called Annie Sloan Chalk Paint and the whole store is filled with items that either the owner, Dawn, or her consignors have painted using this paint (there's lots of cool other stuff there as well).

When Natalie told me about a class they were offering on June 20th, I walked up front to sign up without realizing it was $150. Now, I don't know about you, but we live on a budget and don't just have $150 laying around, but I knew I had to do it. I was drawn to it. I wrote the check, called the hubs to apologize, and anxiously awaited today.

My sweet mother in law came and got the kids and I got my first real break since school ended. I actually got to eat breakfast by myself and arrived at the store at 9am. We got right to work as Dawn and her lovely assistant, Michelle, told us the history of Annie Sloan and the details on her paint. She has 30 amazing colors and then she sells clear wax which is a must and dark wax (which is basically a stain). We immediately started working on different projects learning painting techniques like tinting, blotting, dragging your brush, etc. I should probably take this moment to tell you that I have never painted anything in my life besides a wall (which I didn't enjoy and didn't do a good job at). Simply, I fell in love.

I also got a massive migraine that was blinding in my right eye.

I pressed on, texting my hubby to make an appointment for the doctor but continued to take notes, wax, stain, buff. Oh, I loved it. I loved it when I got to the doctor at 4pm and I had dark stain under my nails and random paint on my fingers. I loved the peace I felt turning a piece of plain old wood into something beautiful. I can't wait to get my paint on tomorrow.

So...tomorrow I am going to officially paint my first piece. I'll take before and after pictures and I figure even if I mess it up, I only paid $20 for it on Girlfriend's Trading Post (thanks Beth!). I hope if it turns out like I hope, I can refurbish a few pieces that I've picked up at yard sales.

Yes, I still have the headache, but I figured I should be doing something versus laying in bed so I wanted to blog about my painting experience today. I want to remember the first time I did something I think I am going to love. I'll keep you posted ;)

Radical

Radical-thoroughgoing or extreme, especially as regards change from accepted or traditional forms: a radical change in the policy of a company.


I dig that word. Radical. I'm sure many people have probably thought I was a little "extreme in regards to traditional forms" at different points in my life. Like when I got engaged to Jonathan about 5 weeks after our first date. Or how about when we found out at 22 weeks that I was having identical twins. Yep, pretty radical. I'm sure it was definitely an adjective used when we announced we were adopting another kid in 2007 and there's no doubt it was muttered again when we did it again just 19 months later. Yes, it can be used to describe parts of my life, but is it really who I am?


Who I am? I've thought about that a lot the last few weeks. Over the past year and a half, I have struggled with the pits of depression. It's been bad. I look back over those last 18 months and often wonder who I was during that period as I know for me, I was even a stranger to myself. I faced a lot of dark days and made a lot of bad decisions, but I also learned so much about myself and I literally fought my way back. And it was a hard fight. Talk to someone who is real with you about depression and has really struggled and they will tell you that it's probably the hardest thing they have ever done. For someone like me that is totally a "glass half full" kind of gal, the fact that the glass looked empty and dirty for 18 months truly sucked. Depression is a very isolating disease. You don't want anyone to know what you are dealing with, how you really feel and you certainly don't want to be any more of a burden on someone when you already feel like the biggest pain to begin with. Satan can truly make you think that everyone is better off without you, that your mistakes are actually your successes, and that you will never get better. I'm proud to say I told Satan to stick it and I proved him wrong. 


What did I learn through the process? Well, first and foremost, I learned that I seriously think every person should be required to see a therapist at least once in their life. I found an amazing one that helped me get to the roots of what made me be depressed. She gave me tools to deal with the anxiety that weren't medication. She loved me for me and didn't judge. Second, I learned to stop feeling guilty about taking meds. I was convinced that if my relationship with Christ was more firmly rooted, I wouldn't be depressed and yet as my therapist put it, "would you argue with a diabetic because they had to take insulin?" Third, I've learned that although it seemed so daunting 5 months ago, I'm ok with talking about it. It's part of who I am and to be quite honest, I seriously think it's made me really put things back into perspective. Christ first, marriage second, family third, friends fourth. It's made me realize that no matter what kind of house I live in, no matter what kind of car I drive, and no matter what kind of clothes I wear, my JOY comes from the Lord, not in physical things in this world. 


I think that last statement has totally scared my husband to death. You see, I'm the free spirit in the relationship. AKA: I like to shop and spend money, a lot. I also tend to have hoarding tendencies with some things and yet purge things others might deem important. A few weeks ago, it's like a light switch was flipped. Not that I cared much what people thought of me before, but now, I REALLY don't care. I just want us to focus on what's important and shed the not so important stuff. I've started cutting back my spending, like big time. I've starting looking at the big picture on things that I used to not think about. I've started being more real, not only with myself but hopefully with those around me. I'm tired of being chained to depression and I'm determined to live a radical life that is centered on my relationship with Christ.


There you have it...probably one of the main reasons I haven't blogged and honestly, I don't know that I will from this point forward except a few random posts a few times a year. I'm excited about the possibilities in front of our family. I'm excited to be at a point mentally, physically, and financially that our family is able to jump into what HE has in store for us. I'm excited for the ride ahead. I'm excited to be radical again.