The Waiting Game

Sorry it has been a few days since I last put anything on here....we had a very busy weekend!

I thought I would share with you guys my inner feelings about the adoption process and how I am feeling so far.

We were told last week that we would have to have a 4th bedroom (which was wrong) but it caused us to have a freak-out moment. We spent Saturday morning touring houses in a nearby subdivision. I, of course, fell in love with the first one we went in and I am still trying to figure out what I can do to get Jonathan to move. He, on the other hand, can list every reason why our house is perfect where we are now...and he is probably right. You know, it is amazing how selfish I can be...but a fourth bedroom would be REALLY nice.

On to the "INNER FEELINGS," to be honest I have this pit of nervousness, excitement, fear and hope balled up on the inside of my stomach and sometimes I find it hard to concentrate on the task at hand. I think about what it will be like with four kids (yes, we have lost our minds!) and more importantly, the possibility of having a BABY again. Our house is not the least bit baby-proofed. We're talking....come on in, grab scissors out of a drawer, climb up the stairs (with no gate) and throw yourself over the catwalk.....NOT baby-proofed.

I think about my kids and will they grow up thinking that they weren't good enough for us, that we had to go adopt another child. I wonder about the adopted child and if they'll wonder if I love him/her as much as my other three. I think about the birthmother who is walking around pregnant as I type this, probably miserably pregnant with no happy ending to look forward to once she delivers. I think about the pain of her letting her child go....how brave she is. I think about the people around her who might criticize her decision or look down on her b/c she chooses a better life for her child. I think about a new baby in my arms.....seeing my four children sit together on the couch with the three oldest fighting over who gets to hold the baby. I think about what if that birthmother decides to parent after us having a newborn here for 8 days. I think about the possibility that we could potentially be taking a baby away from a couple that can't have children of their own. What if we don't get picked?

I am so invested in this already....everywhere I go something makes me think about this journey ahead...and yet I have peace.

Luke 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."