It's funny that we have been married 10 years and we know each other so well and yet sometimes we shock each other. When I got the email that we hadn't been picked, I felt completely at peace (normally I would be in upset, crying, etc) and Jonathan admitted tonight he was sad (normally he would be completely at peace).
This adoption thing is tough....no one said it would be easy, but we finally got our first taste of it. Everyone likes to ask me what I have learned so far so here goes:
1)If I have it my way, I NEVER want to know that our profile is being shown to a mom again. Call us when she picks us. It is really hard knowing that you don't know anything...does that make sense?
2)That God is completely in control and only by his grace did I have peace today.
3)It's been a rough week.....sister/hubby/dog moving in, Jonathan having the wreck, shopping for a new car, brother-in-law in the hospital, finding about profile being shown AND YET....I have peace, serious peace. Am I tired? YES! Am I behind on stuff? YES! But I have peace that is wonderful, calm and for that I am grateful. I am so thankful that I have my relationship with the Lord.
4)That we definitely want another child. I have thought to myself several times the last few days that we are nuts....but when I found out today we didn't get picked, wow, I felt that void in my heart. I can't wait to have another baby/toddler/child....I don't think I will take it for granted this time. I hope I don't wish they will hurry up and grow up like I think I unintentionally did with my first three. I couldn't wait until they could talk, walk, etc. and now I would give anything to turn back time just so I could remember. It's true what they say....they do grow up so fast.