Monday, July 2, 2007

Ok, so I can admit it....

I am STRUGGLING here....really, I mean it...this isn't Brea being cute...I am STRUGGLING!

This adoption thing is kicking my butt and I think it is because I am such a hand's on kind of gal. When I am in the midst of doing something, I read books about it, I google it, I live it.

Our social worker is on vacation, we are still not officially approved (which is driving me nuts b/c other people in the adoption forums act as though we should already have our approval letter based on their experiences with Bethany), and they have already cashed our $2,000 check.

On top of that, because I am a reader, I keep getting emails about "available situations" that are not through our agency. Today I got one about a little girl that is a year old and the mother is due with her sibling in September.....

my heart is heavy, my mind is overwhelmed, and I am trusting God although it is really hard right now. How can I feel so much love for a child I haven't met? AND I DO....the void in my heart that God has created for this child is so real and yet, I know that he is teaching me patience through this journey.

So if I haven't returned a phone call, haven't answered an email, or don't have that usual pep in my step...bear with me...this is the hard part of adoption. The waiting....waiting on everyone else and having no control. What doesn't kill me will make me stronger right?!?!?!


BlessedWithDaughters said...

OH, my dear...

I am so with you on this! The exact same thing happened to us...our sw was writing our homestudy, went on vacation, and THEN broke her arm...the write-up and approval that she had promised to take two weeks ended up taking TWO MONTHS! We were insane by the end of all the waiting...this probably isn't a comfort to you, but I just want ya to know that you're not alone in this.

Do yourself a favor and stop reading for a while. :) Once we were approved, it was much're open to all sorts of situations, right? it will most likely be quick for you, too. Because we were open to AA/biracial adoption, we were matched within two months and the baby was in our arms within two more.

There's a light at the end of the tunnel, and trust me, it ISN'T an oncoming train! :)

Love and hugs,

Anonymous said...

God made Eve when Adam was sleeping..his perfect companion. Rest in him for a while/stop looking and he will provide perfection.

Anonymous said...

In HIS time and according to HIS will is how this will be answered. It will require absolute patience and a willingness to totally surrender this over to God for the answers to come. Take the time you have now to give more of yourself to your children than ever before, let them enjoy an even deeper relationship with you -- and all of you will never forget this special time.

Kim said...

OK Brea, seriously let's CHILL! BREATHE! Everything is OKAY! We all know how our "jobs" can be sometimes, do you think God in his perfect timing of all this didn't know the sw was going to go on vacation? or any other wait reason that might happen? CHILL! He knows exactly what He's doing in this whole wonderful story. You've said before now, everything has been unusually fast, now it might be catching itself up to the norm or something. But there are no red flags here right? No reason to panic. Just keep on living your life until your new little bundle comes home. Love you.

Anonymous said...

Having been an adoptive parent myself, I can honestly tell you
God is FAITHFUL, Trust His timing!
Use this time to enjoy your husband and children..they need to know how special they are to you!
Focus on what you have, and not on what you are waiting and longing for..."The Lord will accomplish what concerns me, Thy loving kindness, O Lord is everlasting..."
Psalm 138:8, rest in this promise!

Susan Harris

SJ said...

Your post is very encouraging to me. It is great for me to see other people being honest about their struggles. Until recently I've had problems letting people know that I'm in a hard place.

Anyway . . .

So glad you are trusting God. That can be the hardest thing to do when you are a "hand ons" type person.

God has the perfect match for you. He is definitely developing your patience through all this. What else is He teaching you while you wait? He is perfecting your situation to make sure everything is just right for when your baby comes to join your family.