This could quite possibly be one of the hardest blog posts I have ever written. I've thought about what to say, how to say it, and that God would use my words constantly over the last 15 hours.
We were actually told on Saturday, March 28 that the expectant mom in Georgia had picked us. I didn't want to post it here on the blog simply because if it fell through, I didn't want a constant reminder of the pain every time we were asked. We told very close friends and family and just spent the next week praying for this mother and her child.
Yesterday, our worst fears came to reality. You see, Jonathan and I's number one priority in this second adoption was to follow God's will AND to make sure that this adoption was as ethical as possible. We found out last night that the agency was basically pushing this mother to place her baby for adoption. They ARE NOT giving her adequate counseling and are basically only giving her the options available to her IF SHE PLACES, not if she decides to parent. Knowing how unethical this is, we can't possible move forward with this expectant mother OR with this agency.
We are very sad. We are sad that this poor woman may not know all of her options by the time she gives birth. We are sad that we are basically back at the beginning again. We are sad that we got sucked in, but also realize that this could happen very easily anywhere.
That is why we asked for prayers last night. We truly never thought we would be here, typing this message. I figured the woman would decide to parent, not that we would be pushing the agency to give her ethical counseling.
I honestly don't have any more words. I have cried what I feel like is my last tear. I have gone from being mad, to proud of us for doing the right thing, to mad, to being worried about this mom, to mad, to feeling the biggest sense of peace I have ever felt. I know HE is in control and for now, that is enough.
P.S. I wanted to add that I will be doing a blog post about the agency simply because I think people in the adoption world need to know what type of agency that are working with if they choose to go with this agency. I am going to take a few days to process what all has happened and spend some time in prayer about how to best word the post so that I don't sound like a bitter adoptive parent, but an objective person that just wants to warn people what this agency is all about.